The Muppet Show

Fozzie works on a new act -- jokes on any subject -- and drives everyone crazy. Finally, he gets on stage and asks for any word. Statler and Waldorf call his bluff by yelling out: "Amoeba!"

Fozzie Bear becomes embroiled in a running gag involving the backstage phone. Throughout the episode, Rita parodies her combative image. She battles with several Muppets, including Miss Piggy, a Full-Bodied Muppet, and Animal, who's backing her on drums in her closing number, "Fever."

Fozzie performs Gags Beasley's famous "banana sketch," which everyone has heard of except Kermit. When Kermit asks Sandy and Fozzie to tell him what it is, they laugh too hard to explain it.

A young kid named Scooter applies for a job as a go-fer. When Kermit remarks that he doesn't even look like a gopher, Scooter explains that he'll go-fer coffee, he'll go-fer sandwiches, he'll go-fer anything. Kermit says he doesn't have the money to hire him, until Scooter mentions that his uncle owns the theater.

Scooter's uncle sends a mechanical, wind-up TV show host, an exact duplicate of Kermit. The robot harasses Kermit and flirts with Miss Piggy.

Scooter talks Fozzie into doing "the telephone pole bit," and Fozzie practices dutifully until he finds out what the bit is: Fozzie dresses up as a public telephone, and Scooter asks what his name is. "Mike Oznowiczki," Fozzie says, and Scooter exclaims, "Oh, so you're the telephone Pole!"

Kermit is hassled by Daily Scandal reporter Fleet Scribbler, who blackmails his way backstage at The Muppet Show and is determined to spin everything he hears in a negative light. He even offers Miss Piggy a picture spread if she'll give him the real dirt on the Muppets. Soon, even the Swedish Chef is talking to Fleet, who answers in mock-Swedish.

Madeline tells Gonzo she thinks he's terrific on the show, and the ego-starved Gonzo instantly falls in love with her. He drops in to Miss Piggy's dressing room to tell her he no longer has a crush on her, which pleases her until she finds out that he likes someone else. Gonzo's obsession takes him to the brink of marrying her until hearing her comments to Kermit of his going off the deep end breaks his fragile heart.

Fozzie Bear is so intimidated by the thought of meeting Milton Berle, "the King of Comics," that he spends the whole show hiding from the guest star. His flimsy disguises don't fool Kermit or Scooter, but when Fozzie finally overhears Milton saying that he'd like to do a song-and-dance with him, Fozzie springs out of hiding, and the pair performs "Top Banana" together in baggy pants and big shoes.

Gonzo catches a cannonball with his bare hand, which stretches his arm out. Fozzie and Floyd crack jokes about the situation. Gonzo turns to John for help, but John ends up pulling the rest of his limbs out to match. Meanwhile, John isn't pleased with being on the show. He's tied to his chair before the show, he complains about the number of pigs and monsters on the show, and he gets roped into doing a closing number.

Kermit is at home sick so Fozzie has to run the show and proves how bad he could be by having Crazy Harry of all people have an opening skit "Target Practice", then getting "Vets' Hospital" and "At The Dance" on the same stage at the same time, causing a lot of trouble for the bear and his costars.

Gonzo auditions real chickens for his dancing chicken act. Due to a last-minute cancellation, he finally gets on stage, but his chicken Lolita hardly moves.

Fozzie heard that Roy Clark was going to bring Country to the show and sent all of the stagehands out to the country. Matters are complicated even more when a fire breaks out backstage and Fozzie tries to keep it a secret from Kermit.

Miss Piggy becomes increasingly jealous as Kermit appears to give a young pig performer attention.

Sketches/Songs: ""Staying Alive"", ""How Can You Be"", Fozzie's dance number, ""Muppet Newsflash"", ""Beethoven's Sonata No.8, Opus 13"", ""You and Me Against the World"", ""Veterinarian's Hospital"", ""Tie Me Kangaroo Down"", ""We'll Sing in the Sunshine""

Sketches/Songs: ""Octopus's Garden"", ""The Medium"", ""Eight Little Notes"", ""Swedish Chef"", ""Catch a Falling Star"", ""Veterinarian's Hospital"", ""Short People""

Sketches/Songs: ""Russian Pig Dance"", ""Dance"", ""Muppet Sports"", ""Someone to Watch Over Me"", ""Do-Re-Mi"", ""Our House"", ""The Wedding""

Sketches/Songs: ""Help Me Make It Through the Night"", Gonzo's Act, ""Muppet Labs"", ""My Wild Irish Rose"", ""Muppet Newsflash"", ""We're All Alone"", ""A Frog He Would a Wooing Go"", ""New York State of Mind"", ""An Actor's Life For Me"", ""A Song I'd Like To Sing""

Dudley has a surprise for Kermit, a robot that can do the work of the entire band and of course the Electric Mayhem feel threatened by this fact.

The Prairie Dog Glee Club sings very well, but Scooter says they have "pack rat blood in 'em -- they keep stealing everything!" The prairie dogs go wild, taking everything Kermit has -- including his collar, which leaves him naked on stage.

When Bobby Benson has to talk to a police officer someone has to take care of his babies. Unfortunately, the babies go wild without their daddy around and beat up people they don't like.

The pigs are excited that guest star Beverly Sills plans to perform the opera "Pigoletto" as the closing number.

Inspired by mimes Shields & Yarnell, Fozzie Bear works on a mime act, including "Bear walking against the wind". Kermit suggests that Fozzie find a more original act, so Fozzie tries out "Bear feeding spaghetti to an elephant" and "Bear going to a drive-in movie with a porcupine".

During a sketch Kermit hurts himself and keeps getting frightened by jungle animals in his hospital room or injured further by some crazy inconvenience.

Kermit calls the Secret Service to hire real spies for Roger's closing number. (They're listed in the Yellow Pages.) However, Roger wants to do a cute, cuddly version of "Talk to the Animals". The spies, anxious for a chance to rub out James Bond, pose as fluffy animals to infiltrate the number.

How well can Loretta fit into Miss Piggy's roles? It all comes to a dramatic climax with the ""Pigs in Space"" installment.

Animal hits it off with tough guy James Coburn -- but James decides that Animal isn't centered enough, and introduces him to meditation and Zen. Animal doesn't take well to Zen.

Afraid that Linda will steal her frog away, Piggy locks Kermit up in a chest owned by Gonzo when Scooter helps him move his mildew ""collection"" and hides it.

Browsing through an old book of magic spells, Tony accidentally turns Miss Piggy into stone. He considers bringing her to a stonemason for help. Fozzie, Gonzo and Floyd crack stone jokes as Kermit and Tony try to find a spell to change her back. Of course, the show must go on, and the Piggy statue takes the stage for "Pigs in Space".

Thinking she was booked to do "The Muffin Show," Brooke finds herself growing and shrinking as the Muppets stage Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.