Friday Night with Jonathan Ross

Ladies and gentlemen: he's back. The suited, wavy-haired cheeky monkey himself Mr Ross, welcomes us to his new series with the distinct possibility of a punch-up. Boxer Ricky Hatton goes toe-to-toe with Jonathan and Thandie Newton will do well to stay that far away from him and his saucy banter. Daniel Radcliffe, who has gone from boy wizard to horse fondler, returns to the show as does Damon Albarn with yet another new band The Good, The Bad & The Queen. Has he finally formed a good one?

Ricky Gervais? On Jonathan's show? That must have taken some serious negotiating - or maybe just a kiss. I'm amazed to see Gareth Gates on the show; I thought he was happy and comfortable in obscurity. I guess he couldn't say no (that's cruel I know). Completing the guest list are full-time pilot and part-time actor John Travolta and Macy Gray, who is a dead ringer for that bear from The Hair Bear Bunch.

A curious mix of guests this week. Artists Gilbert & George who began their careers' in performance art, now better known for their brightly coloured photo-montages. Not my cup of tea to be honest, but they did win the Turner Prize in 1986. Liverpool won the League and F.A. Cup double in the same year, which probably explains why I missed their finest hour. Stephen Gerrard in full flow - now that's art.Jonathan's former warm-up man Alan Carr is back as is the woman who's had more rock stars that the green room at Live Aid, Patsy Kensit. Smooth, suited Mackem Bryan Ferry provides the music - hopefully not something by Wagner.

Bill Bailey is a funny guy, a talented musician and a Klingon nonce. He's on tour - go and see him, shout 'weasels' and hear his reply - 'dormice'! Singer, Sarah Brightman, is set to perform at this year's F.A. Cup final - I think she'll lose, which is a pity as I think she'd do well in the U.E.F.A. Cup. Music this week from Jamie T. So that's one talented musician on the programme then...

Rob Brydon stars in a programme called 'Annually Retentive'. Does that mean he can or can not stand next to the piano? If you are drunk whilst watching this episode, that's Helena Bonham Carter - not Robert Smith from The Cure.

It seems like just 63 days since Jonathan was talking to J.K. Rowling. Either that, or I can't count. However long it was, the wait is over - he's back. To kick things off, there is a rare interview with Keira Knightley who, incidentally, weighs less than Jonathan's hair. Funny man Simon Pegg and man Adam Sandler also appear on the first show. Music comes from Dallas-based twenty-three-piece band The Polyphonic Spree, who, incidentally, weigh less than Jonathan's hair.

This week's guests: a director who's films I don't really like; an actor who's films I don't watch; two women who make television programmes for badly dressed frumpy lasses and some Scottish warbler who's music gives me the staggers. Apart from that, I am really looking forward to it.

There's a 'Hair Off' this week: Richard Hammond - the indestructible one from Top Gear, brings his new, flowing locks to compete with Jonathan's luscious mane. Dame Helen Mirren's naturally girly hair might not be enough to secure victory, but Christian Slater is in with a chance. If it's decided by facial hair, Dr. Matt Destruction from The Hives will walk it, even though he's bald. Bring it on!

Four weeks into the new series and the guest list shows signs of strain, and that's not just down to Beth Ditto's bulk. Peter Björn & John are described as "Swedish folk rockers" - is it just me, or does that sound like a cue to stuff your ears with broken glass?

Mother Nature is either very creative, or she's got a blinding sense of humour. How else could you explain the effortless beauty of Michelle Pfeiffer and the unconstrained ugliness of Chris Moyles? Maybe she created him with the left-overs from elephants ar**s.

If Katie Price's self-importance was flammable and caught fire, it would be the Great Fire of London all over again. If her talent was flammable and caught fire, it would be like a damp banger going off. Peter Andre appears tonight - he's married to the damp banger.

New Series. Yes, a new series just twenty days after the last one ended, the BBC is getting its moneys worth out of Jonathan. In return, he provides a guest straight from the top of the A List - Tom Hanks. Chris Rock, who some people might find funny, whilst others will just regard him as loud, American and not funny. Music from Reverend & The Makers.

He is a living legend; a man who was a part of the greatest model railway based children's programme of all time. He provided the voices for the fab four: Thomas, Henry Gordon and the Fat Controller � Mr. Ringo Starr. He was also in The Beatles. Also appearing on this week's show, Sir David Attenborough; friend of the Rwandan gorilla, pal of the bat and generally on nodding terms with fish.

Big, butch funny bloke Alan Carr returns to the Ross sofa. Alan wears glasses... and shoes... and has the requisite number of ears for a standard human. Yes, you've guessed it - I don't know anything about the other guests.

The Cast of Mistresses join Jonathan for an innuendo-laden smut fest; Britt Ekland takes part in a 'I was married to Peter Sellers and danced naked in The Wicker Man' jamboree and Morrissey provides the music - no smut and no dancing naked. Phew.

First it was Life on Mars, now it's Ashes to Ashes. TV cop Gene Hunt, (Philip Glenister) returns to the screen as the Manc detective who likes 'oops. Maybe the next series will be called 'The Laughing Gnome' and will be set in the seedy underworld of Legoland. Starring Tom Cruise.

First Blood, Rambo, Tango and Cash. Just three of the films for which Sylvester Stallone was not nominated for an Oscar. Also appearing: Nicholas Hoult from Skins and Katherine Jenkins from Wales. Music from Guillemots.

The show returns and presumably so will the smut, as Kelly Brook is amongst the first guests in this, the 15th series. The Mighty Boosh return with a song to sing and a big monkey, too. Jonathan also welcomes Britain's gold medal winners from Beijing, which will take longer to do than it will for an Australian chat show host to welcome back their winners. Music from the Streets.

In 1982, Stevie Wonder (with Sir Paul McCartney) sang: ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony, side by side on my piano keyboard, oh Lord, why don't we? Well, you could have been in the same country as each other when you shot the video for a start! Model, Abigail Clancy and Steve Coogan also appear.

Starsky and Hutch and Dodgeball - just two films starring Ben Stiller which didn't trouble the Oscars. Fellow chat show host, Paul O'Grady, (who unlike Jonathan lets his guests answer a question before butting in) and X Factor judge Cheryl Cole return to the show.

For what seems like the 1,000th time, Lucas & Walliams cosy up to Jonathan to flog their cash cow Little Britain. Chef, Jamie Oliver and funny bloke Simon Pegg also appear.

The host is joined by Hollywood actor Tom Cruise, who is promoting his latest film Valkyrie, acclaimed writer and presenter Stephen Fry and stand-up comedian Lee Evans. Plus, Franz Ferdinand perform their latest single Ulysses.

The host is joined by Benicio del Toro, Oscar-winning actor and star of Steven Soderbergh's Che Guevara biopic. He also chats with Pushing Daisies star Anna Friel and singer Tom Jones, who provides the music with "Give a Lttle Love".

Actor Dev Patel, star of the Bafta-winning film Slumdog Millionaire, comedian Michael McIntyre, and The Pink Panther 2 leading lady Emily Mortimer join the host for a showcase of celebrity chat and topical commentary on the week's big events. Plus, Morrissey performs I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris.

Bafta-winning star of The Wrestler Mickey Rourke, comedian Jason Manford and singer-songwriter Will Young chat to the host. Plus, the Cure perform The Only One from their latest album 4:13 Dream.

Jonathan Ross kick-starts a new season of his chat show with guests including cooking crusader Jamie Oliver; Britain's biggest comedian, Ricky Gervais; England Ashes hero Stuart Broad; and music from technicolour pop prince, Mika.

Jonathan Ross continues the new season of music and chat with guests including recording legend Barry Manilow, QI star Alan Davies and actress and supermodel, Eva Mendes.

Barbra Streisand joins Jonathan Ross for her first British TV interview this century.

Jonathan returns for the first show of a brand-new series. Among the guests joining him are Ray Winstone, Arlene Phillips and Catherine Tate. There's also music from Pixie Lott.

In the second show of the series, Jonathan welcomes sizzling actress Billie Piper and top TV funnyman Alan Carr. Plus chat and performance from the mesmerising Alicia Keys.

Joining Jonathan in the studio are Sex and the City siren Kim Cattrall, indie rock giants Editors, the cast of Misfits and X Factor twins Jedward.

Joining Jonathan in the studio are Bollywood king Shahrukh Khan, John Barrowman and the queen of breakfast TV, Lorraine Kelly. Plus, there's music from Marina and the Diamonds.

Jonathan Ross has an exclusive interview with Oscar favourite Jeff Bridges, Scouse stand-up star John Bishop, the mighty Westlife and music from grunge goddess Courtney Love and her band Hole.

Jonathan Ross presents another edition of the current series. His guests are: actor Colin Farrell, Russian supermodel Natalia Vodianova, comedian Jason Manford and chatting and performing Jay-Z