The Bernie Mac Show

In the pilot, much to his chagrin, Bernie and Wanda are forced to take care of his sister's three children, Vanessa, Jordan, and Bryanna since she can no longer take care of them anymore.

Bernie's desperate to get away to Vegas with his frineds, but Bryana's birthday and the germ infested children that it causes make it a difficulty.

Jordan is tormented by bullies at school, so Bernie teaches him some moves that unfortunately turn Jordan into a monster.

When Wanda plans a play date for a group of kids, Bernie ends up winning over the moms for the afternoon and becoming defensive about his masculinity.

Bernie and Wanda bring the kids to church to discipline them, but Bernie ends up being the immature one. Later on, the Bishop and Deacon show up at Bernie's house during his poker night and suggest that Bernie allow them to use his house for bible study.

Bernie realizes that the kids are here to stay, so he begins treating them differently. Wanda complains that Bernie is treating the kids like roomates and holds off sex from him until he realizes the kids are truly part of their family.

It's Bernie who acts like a kid when Wanda teams with him in a charity golf tournament. Bernie sees it as a grudge match against the host, Matt Damon, who has been claiming he consistently outshot ""Mac Man"" while they were filming Ocean's Eleven. Bernie savors the thought of beating the Oscar winner in public—but his confidence wavers when he learns that Damon's warriorlike playing partner in the best-ball event is Lucy Lawless.

When Bryana loses her doll after a day at the beach, Bernie begins a midnight odyssey to retrieve it. After a grueling search, Bernie finds the doll, but realizes he must wean Bryana from it. When reasoning with her fails, Bernie decides to take more drastic action.

Bernie is delighted that the kids are in a carpool because it means he will only have to drive them to school two days a week. The delight is short-lived when the carpool becomes more complicated. Jordan teases one of the boys in the car, so Bernie makes Jordan set up a playdate with him. Eventually the boy starts blackmailing Jordan to be his friend, and the boy's father won't stop bothering Bernie.

Bernie is sick of the kids tearing up the house, so he decides to make them clean up everything they've ruined. The kids go along with the plan until they realize Bernie isn't paying them extra for their labor. The kids decide to go on strike. When the house turns into a sty, Bernie hires scabs (neighborhood kids) to do the work.

Jordan's homework of caring for a snake has Bryanna clamoring for her own pet. Wildlife expert Jules Sylvester counsels Bernie.

Vanessa is slow to invite Bernie to a father-daughter dance, but quick to treat him like a stranger once there.

Jordan tries out for the basketball team, but the coach decides he is better suited for gymnastics -- as a ribbon dancer. Meanwhile, Wanda coaches Bryana's soccer team and turns her into a lean, mean soccer machine.

When a litigious neighbor asks Bernie to tear down the treehouse he built for Jordan, it leads to an all-night standoff. Meanwhile, a relentless Bryanna tries to put a bumper sticker that represents her good grades in school on Wanda's car, but Wanda tries different ways to put the sticker anywhere but on her car.

Bernie tries to instill a sense of old-school Christmas tradition in the kids but when they become obsessed with gift-getting Bernie decides to cancel Christmas altogether. Meanwhile, new Senior VP Wanda overcompensates for her promotion by trying to find a gift for everyone on her staff which distracts her from catching the Christmas spirit.

When Bernie lands the dramatic lead role of a stroke afflicted former track star, he has a hard time convincing everyone he has the chops to be a serious dramatic actor and reaches out to Angela Bassett for acting advice. Since Bernie is working and cannot care for the kids after school, Wanda must put the younger kids into daycare at her work. Upset at being stuck with a bunch of babies, Jordan leads a child rebellion where the kids escape daycare and wreak havoc on the office. Meanwhile, Vanessa pretends to be poor, so that Teri, a girl at school, will like her. But the plan backfires when Teri finds out that Vanessa is lying and that she is really Bernie Mac's niece.

Bernie finds out that Jordan has been getting haircuts with Wanda and the girls at a beauty salon and decides it's time to take him to Bernie's favorite barbershop downtown so Jordan can learn to be one of the guys. There they talk sports, politics, community and most importantly -- smack. But things backfire when Jordan's first attempt at smack-talking hits a nerve with Earl, the barbershop owner, who throws the two out of his shop. Meanwhile, the girls bond with Wanda when they team up to figure out how to change the batteries in the incessantly beeping home smoke detectors.

When Vanessa brings home her first boyfriend, Reggie, Bernie gets to work on scaring the guy off but quickly realizes that Reggie is a good influence on Jordan and could lead him away from bug collecting and into sports and girls. Bernie decides he can take advantage of the situation and let Vanessa think she has a boyfriend while also giving Jordan a role model. When this prevents Vanessa and Reggie from spending any alone-time together, Vanessa decides to break up until Bernie uses reverse psychology on her to get them back together. Meanwhile, Wanda decides to clear space in her closet and give some shoes to the Salvation Army, but letting go is harder than she thought it would be.

Vanessa confronts Bernie for looking through her things; Bernie buys security cameras to see what the family's doing, which more he bargained for. Guest appearance by Snoop Dogg.

Bernie decides that 8-year-old Bryana is too old to be riding her bike with training wheels. She crashes, and a guilty Bernie volunteers to take her class to the museum. Jordan steals an old cast from the hospital and wears it at school to get out of gym class.

Bernie is hoping for some peace and quiet as he prepares for a performance that night, but he must deal with the kids when Wanda's business meeting runs long.

Bernie gives Vanessa driving lessons, but he goes overboard while teaching Vanessa. Out of nowhere, he gets his truck towed away and he also gets glasses.

Bryana accidentally walks in on Bernie getting ready for his bath. Vanessa is not happy when Bryana moves into her room. Bernie and Wanda decide that it may be time to remodel the house, much to the dismay of Bernie's wallet.

Bernie's sister announces that she and her fiance, Monroe (Cedric Yarbrough) are eloping to Las Vegas. Wanda offers to have the wedding at the Mac house.

Bryan, Bryanna's father, shows up to spend more time with his daughter-and ends up spoiling her.

When Jordan makes the wrestling team, Bernie turns to Stone Cold Steve Austin for advice.

Berine better put his money where his mouth is when he agrees to Charles Barkley's bet that he will beat Bernie's time in a 10K charity race.

Upset that Vanessa is living the free life, Bernie Mac has Vanessa work for him. Shortly, after wards Vanessa learns that his co-workers get all this free stuff because they mention they work for Bernie Mac. Vanessa takes big advantage of this, until Bernie Mac finds out. Later on, Vanessa has to bring one of his precious statues home but it breaks in a car accident. Jordan offers to fix it, with of course a price (some of the free stuff Vanessa got).

Jordan turns 13, but still acts like a monster fighting with Bryana. Eventually Jordan lets Bryana walk all over him to avoid further punishment. When he gets his gifts back, Bernie holds back an R-rated movie. Later when Bernie asks Jordan to babysit Bryana one night, Jordan accepts just so he can watch the R-rated movie behind his back.

Jordan turns 13, but still acts like a monster fighting with Bryana. Eventually Jordan lets Bryana walk all over him to avoid further punishment. When he gets his gifts back, Bernie holds back an R-rated movie. Later when Bernie asks Jordan to babysit Bryana one night, Jordan accepts just so he can watch the R-rated movie behind his back.