According to Jim

Jim and Cheryl are the perfect middle class American couple. Happily married, living in a suburban house with two adorable (but loud) little girls and a baby boy, they really can't complain much about life – except for those couple fights that neither one can ever let go, like the time Jim shut the car door on Cheryl. This time the problem is their daughter, whom Cheryl can't leave alone on her first week at kindergarten. Jim says it's because she's a woman and decides to take Ruby himself, but he also can't leave her behind. Things heat up when Cheryl discovers that not only has he been hiding it from her, but he also changed Ruby's school without talking to her. Meanwhile, Jim and Cheryl try to help Andy make up with his girlfriend.

Cheryl convinces Jim to forgo sex until their anticipated romantic getaway. Will abstinence relight Jim's passion, or just drive him up the wall?

Cheryl's 15 year-old cat Mr. Feeney dies and she wants Jim to bury it on the backyard, but Jim desperately wants to go to the Bears game. He sticks the cat in the garage freezer, planning on burying it after the game, but Cheryl finds out before he comes home. She is hurt that Jim doesn't listen to her nor care about a cat that has been longer with her than anything in her current life. Jim, feeling guilty, provides a proper funeral for Mr. Feeney and gets her a brand new dog, which she doesn't like very much at first, but starts to accept it later.

On Jim and Cheryl's 10th Anniversary, Jim pays Dana to buy him an anniversary gift to give to Cheryl. However, Dana buys a beautiful and touching charm bracelet, going over the spending limit in the process, and Cheryl finds out that all her anniversary gifts over the past ten years were bought by Dana.

It's Halloween, and Cheryl has forbidden Gracie to go trick-or-treating. However, not wanting his daughter to miss out on the fun of the halloween spirit, he sneaks her out anyway. Meanwhile, Andy becomes convinced that he's being stalked by an ex-girlfriend.

Jim sets Dana up with a guy so perfect that even Cheryl falls for him.

Cheryl and Jim clash when he breaks a promise to save a digital photo she values.

Jim claims women aren't capable of getting a good deal on a car, and prophetically, when Cheryl helps Dana buy a new car, it turns out to be a lemon. Dana begs Jim to use his macho influence at the dealership to help her, but instead he allows sexy sales manager Gretchen to talk him into trading the family van in for a sports car — without consulting Cheryl.

Jim and Cheryl meet the new neighbors and find out that they can hear their conversation through the baby monitor. When the neighbors find out, Jim tries to come up with a story to smooth things over.

Jim's pizza delivery boy moves in with him and Cheryl after the boy's father kicks him out of the house because of his dream of doing standup comedy.

Jim is upset when Cheryl's stuff takes over the entire house, leaving him with no private place of his own.

Cheryl is concerned that Jim is being a bad influence on the kids when he takes them to a Bears game and they witness him punching a spectator, but Cheryl's disparaging remarks about her body image put her equally at fault as an example.

When Jim finds out that Cheryl has been paying 7 dollars to have the groceries delivered to their house, he insists that he does the shopping himself in order to save that incredible amount of money. Once at the supermarket, he sees how married men are "domesticated" by their wives and decides to rebel against Cheryl by shopping everything but the items on the list. Cheryl decides to turn the table on Jim and he does the same, until they end up going to a formal party on robes and underwear with their bodies all painted with lipstick. Cheryl finally gives in and they settle on paying the delivery boy the seven dollars in order to spare the Spice Channel subscription.

Jim is horrified when he sees his son Kyle with a green Packers ball. He tries by all means to change it for a Bears one, but the kid just can't let go of the green ball. Jim has nightmares about it and takes Kyle to his work in another attempt to get rid of the Packers ball. When he realizes there's nothing he can do about it, he does a little alteration on the ball so they can go to the Bears game peacefully.

Jim wrestles with his conscience after he cheats at a church fundraiser bingo game.

Cheryl says a friend of hers got jewelry for his wife for no reason and Jim says he's probably cheating on her. After Cheryl takes it offensively that Jim won't buy her jewelry because he doesn't think he has to – after all, they are married and he isn't cheating – he goes out to shop for earrings, only to find out he knows nothing about Cheryl. After spending three days dedicating himself entirely to paying attention to Cheryl – with a bit of Andy's help – Jim finds out that Cheryl's friend was indeed cheating and they finally make up.

Jim and Cheryl encourage the girls to make a lemonade stand and raise money for their scooters. What was supposed to be a lesson about the value of the dollar turns into a racy competition among neighbors when Bill and his next door neighbor Driscoll set up little amusement parks in their years. Dana and Andy pitch in, while Cheryl tries to stay out of it – until she gets into a catfight with the neighbor's wife. Once the police is called in, Jim realizes he's lost the purpose of the lemonade stand and decides to give the girls the rest of the money for the scooters.

Trying to lighten Ruby's homework load – and therefore look like he's helping her – Jim tells Ruby's teacher that Cheryl can't read.

Cheryl wants Jim to give up his vices so he can get her pregnant.

Cheryl surprises Jim with a romantic evening, but it cuts into his planned TV boxing match.

Jim offers to give Andy an old barbecue grill, then decides Andy should pay for it.

Cheryl and Dana are forced to smash their way out of a locked garage, because they ignored Jim's lesson on how to open the door from the inside.

Kyle wants to be Cinderella for Halloween. Jim is against it because he thinks he's growing up to be a sissy. Jim buys Kyle a manly costume (a dinosaur) but Kyle changes back into the dress. Jim, Andy, and Kyle all sit on the couch, Jim and Kyle persistent. Jim goes in the kitchen, sees an older Kyle who convinces Jim to let Kyle go as Cinderella. In the end, they all go as ladies and they trick-or-treat.

Ruby hurts Jim's feelings when she invites Andy to a father-daughter dance instead of him.

The fifth season premieres with Jim sneaking off to a Cubs game with Kyle instead of taking him to his first day of kindergarten.

Jim worries that Cheryl's romantic expectations will increase when his new brother-in-law, Ryan, showers Dana with flowers and gifts. But then Jim learns that a special blues tape Cheryl supposedly made for him when they were dating, and that made him fall in love with her, was actually made for her by an old boyfriend

Jim worries that Cheryl's romantic expectations will increase when his new brother-in-law, Ryan, showers Dana with flowers and gifts. But then Jim learns that a special blues tape Cheryl supposedly made for him when they were dating, and that made him fall in love with her, was actually made for her by an old boyfriend.

When Cheryl wins two tickets to visit Hugh Hefner at the Playboy Mansion in a charity-raising contest that Jim secretly entered her in, she decides to take Dana instead of him.

Out-of-shape Jim enters a 10K marathon to teach Kyle, who wants to quit basketball, a lesson about not being a quitter -- but he cheats to get first to the finish line.

Cheryl, upset that Jim thinks her daily anecdotes are boring, steals Dana's story about meeting Oprah. Jim, now determined to out-do Cheryl, makes up a story about his construction office catching fire. But when Cheryl take the kids to see the damage, Jim and Andy, who are scrambling to make it look authentic, end up setting a real fire.

Jim realizes that Cheryl has been spoiling their son Kyle for way too long, so he decides to make him a man by teaching him how to throw a perfect punch in self defense. However, things get out of control when little Kyle gets suspended for repeatedly hitting the school bully.

Jim ends up on a talk show after claiming that men shouldn't let women feminize them, and then goes to Dana's co-ed baby shower to prove his point.

When the family pet guinea pig swallows an eraser, Jim is forced to pay for an expensive operation.

Cheryl and Jim go to a motel in Indiana to celebrate their fifteenth wedding anniversary, but Dana's possible labor and a tornado interfere.

When Cheryl's beloved Uncle Donald dies, Jim takes over housekeeping, but soon starts to suspect that Cheryl is using him.

Cheryl persuades Jim to attend an anger-management class, but he soon learns that getting mad isn't as much fun as getting even.

Crazed about the fact that Cheryl joined a dinner party club, Jim insults the very creator of women, God, who then gives Jim the power to try to do a better job, but Jim ends up making women behave like Jim would. Also, when Andy tries to make guys more like women, he turns himself and Jim into oversensitive girly guys.

Cheryl feels down when she can't use her sexuality to get a dinner table at a restaurant, so Jim tries to cheer her up by writing letter as a 'water delivery guy', but his plan soon makes Jim doubt if Cheryl is attracted to him or the delivery guy.

When Cheryl takes a greater interest in general safety and health, Jim feels stifled by her new rules and regulations. Just after Cheryl forces Jim to wear an I.D. badge during his morning jog, Jim is head-butted by a bull on a side road. While Cheryl learns that one can't anticipate every danger out there, Jim realizes that he's willing to do whatever it takes to make his family feel secure.

Cheryl and Jim have an evening at home without the kids and decide to stay in and just have dessert for dinner. But Jim's choice of pastries causes a spat which morphs into an all-out food fight. The next day they laugh off the night's argument; Jim is thrilled that they don't seem to have to talk things out. But then Andy, who's out for revenge on Jim for coaxing his kids to play pranks on him, counsels Cheryl to really dissect and analyze her marital arguments.

While Cheryl is out of town to take care of her mother, Jim has to take care of their kids, and he receives sympathy from a neighborhood mom. Soon, other moms start helping Jim, and he tells each one that she's the only help in the house.

While Cheryl is still out of town, Jim is having hard time dealing with Ruby's girl problems, so he assigns Dana to help her. However, when Dana tells Ruby to go out on a date with an older guy, Jim if forced to intervene, as he, Dana and Andy end up following Ruby to her date.

Jim guilts the older kids into doing household chores after Jonathan's special blanket goes missing.

When Dana, Cheryl's sister and best friend, moves away, Jim realizes he must find Cheryl a new friend as soon as possible.

Jim and his band win a chance to play for a child pop sensation Jami McFame, but when the star gives them an attitude, Jim decides to set her straight.

Jim urges Andy to propose to Emily or risk losing her, but when he sees Emily dining with another man, he doubts the wisdom of his advice.

When Cheryl learns of Jim's plan to use their twins in a movie starring Steve Guttenberg to get some money for Christmas gifts, she refuses to let him do it, but Andy and Jim decide to go through with the plan anyway, only to have it backfire when the producers cut the kids hair to make them look alike.

Jim looks forward to a "guys only" weekend with Andy, but when Andy ends up dumped by Emily over a text message and when the guys stumble upon Emily's depressed ex husband, Jim decides to do his best to cheer up the guys and save what's left of their weekend.